Watching RED. I need a fic where Darcy Lewis is Frank Moses’ niece and he taught her everything about being a badass.

“Hey, Uncle Frank!” Darcy grinned as she balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder, freeing up her hands to continue collating Jane’s notes. “How’s retirement?”

“It’s… something.”

She snorted at his tone. She’d told her mom he’d be bored to tears within two hours. Not enough shoot ‘em up in Ohio. Especially not in winter. “Pull out all your nose hair yet?”

“My nose hair?”

“Well, you’re bored and you’re bald, so that’s the next option, right? Or would you go for the limbs first? Like during a good torture interrogation?”

The phone did nothing to muffle his sigh. “I never should have told you about my time in Bogota.”

“No. You definitely should have told me about it. Just maybe not when I was 12. But, I know that’s not why you called. What’s up?”

There was a long pause as he purposely slowed his breathing, gathering his thoughts. Something she’d gotten used to when he was getting ready to explain what happened whenever he had been babysitting and her parents came home to a disaster. And something he probably had to do a lot on the missions she wasn’t supposed to know anything about and still barely knew anything of. But not for lack of trying.

“There’s this woman.”

“Ooh, a woman! Who is this woman?”

“Her name is Sarah.”

“And how do you know this Sarah?”

“I don’t.”

“You.. don’t?”

“We, uh, talk on the phone. She works in pension services.”

He held the phone away from his ear to save what little hearing he had left from her screeching laughs.

“I don’t know why I even called you.”

“Hold on,” she gasped. “Just, don’t hang up. I’m sorry. I just.” she had to pause, each word cut off by a laugh, “This is so you!”

“How is this ‘so me’?”

“Remember that time you accidentally volunteered to be my soccer coach because you ran into one of the single soccer moms in the library with me and didn’t know how to handle her passive aggressive flirting?”

“You all learned a valuable lesson about not allowing a despot to take charge.”

“Yeah, well, the referee certainly didn’t see himself as a despot. However, that aside, you get into the oddest situations, especially when you’re not working. This was bound to happen.”

He hummed. Mostly in annoyance, but part in acknowledgement. He’d always gotten into the most trouble when not on a mission. Like that one time in Budapest.

“But, it’s a good thing you called me. I am totally full of advice. Although, what advice do you need? Because there’s certain topics of birds and bees that I refuse to get into with you.”

“No. Trust me. I got that down. Have for a long time now.” His bravado faded as he hesitated over his next thought. “But I don’t know how to get to know a woman anymore. I can’t exactly talk about life experiences since most of mine are top secret and what isn’t is redacted.”


That does put a damper on things.

”She paused, the rustle of papers the only sound for a minute. “What is she into?”

“Uh, travel. Reading.”

“That’s a good start. What does she like to read? Have you read the same thing yet? Sometimes talking about books is one of the best ways to learn about someone. If she talks about a book you could read it and then mention it next time. That’s always a good way to get a conversation going.”

“Reading.” He drew the one word out. “I could probably do that.”

“If you remember how to that is. I don’t know how many literary pursuits you’ve been doing over the last few decades beyond mission briefs and status reports. And the details about a target probably aren’t too difficult to get through, seeing as how the target audience are government spooks.”

“Your faith in my abilities is touching.”


He laughed and she heard movement as he probably sat, finally relaxed now that his goal had been accomplished.

“How are you, kid? You still got that taser I sent you?”

“Yep, and it works like a charm.”

“Who’d you use it on? A local drunk?”

“Not exactly. And I think this one might even be above your pay grade.”

“I doubt that, but I’ll let you keep it to yourself. It’s usually best that way. But you need anything, you let me know.”

“Will do, sir. Will do.”

“New Mexico isn’t that far. I could be there in less than four hours.”

“Your scary connections never cease to impress me. But I think we’re good.”

“Okay. Listen, I’m gonna go,I guess I have a trip to the book store to plan, but you say hi to your mom and dad for me.”

“I will. You try to stay out of trouble. And make sure to bring this Sarah around sometime. If she’s peaked your interest, I bet she’s a hoot.”

He gave a noncommittal laugh. “Love you, kid.”

“Love you too, old man!”

Despite his grunt, she knew he was grinning when she ended the call.

“Hey, Wentworth.”

Darcy felt half the worry that had been building up over the last few days drain out of her as soon as her uncle picked up, and couldn’t help a relieved giggle at his nickname for her. Well if you’re going to name her after an Austen hero, Mary, you should have made it the good one who was a war hero and didn’t just sit around living off the money he inherited.

“Uncle Frankincense. Glad you’re alive.”

“Any reason I shouldn’t be?”

“Oh, you know. I’ve just been seeing reports of political intrigue, insane damage and stunts, and grainy footage of bald men, so I wanted to check and be sure.”

“They never got my face.”

She sat down and focused on loosening her grip on her phone as the last of the tension drained. “Yes, but I still knew it was you. You’re really okay?”

“I’m good.” He paused and she took a minute to process the fact that he really was fine. It would take more than just a few skirmishes to take that man down.

After a couple seconds, he continued. “I should be asking about you. Didn’t you say you were in Puente Antiguo? The place where a 20-foot fire-breathing robot was demolishing the town, one my sources tell me was neutralized by alien superheroes, including a supposed Norse god?”

“Your sources, man,” she stalled. “You’ve gotta get me in the loop. I can only imagine the dirt I could dig up.”

“Darcy,” He drew her real name out and she rolled her eyes at his attempts to use a dad voice. But she appreciated the sentiment all the same. “You good?”

“Yeah. I’m good.” She grinned and figured she might as well throw caution to the wind. He’d find out eventually anyway. “And FYI, that taser, totally can take down an alien superhero aka the god of thunder. Just thought you should know.”

There was a mild choking sound on the other end of the line followed by a woman’s muffled voice.

“Hold up! Who was that?”

“That,” Frank paused, and she could hear the smile in his voice, “was Sarah.”

“Hey, hey!” Darcy began fistpumping in the air and then froze. “Wait, please tell me I wasn’t interrupting something.”

“No. But…”

“Gross. No. But I’m glad things worked out. You guys should come out for a visit.”

“It’ll have to wait. We’re heading to Moldova and I’m not sure how long we’ll be there.”

“Like a romantic getaway to Moldova or like secret things I can’t know about to Moldova?”

He paused and she wasn’t sure if it was for her benefit or Sarah’s.

“A little bit of both.”

“And Sarah’s good with that?”


Her response was as immediate as it was enthusiastic. “Marry her!”


“Nope. I’m calling it now. Marry her. Get a ring. Do it immediately. I’ll forgive you for not having me as your best man if it means I finally get an aunt who can put up with you like I can. Because we’re sure to have some awesome stories.”

“I’ll think about it,” he grumbled.

“No thinking, just doing. React, Frankincense, react! That’s that your training tells you to do.”

“Don’t try and quote military tactics at me.”

“Fine, then put Sarah on.”


“So I can tell her that if you don’t propose any time soon I will for you.”

“Goodbye, Darcy.”

“No! SARAH!” She started yelling through the phone. “SARAH!! FRANK IS AN IDIOT! YOU NEED TO MARRY HIM! DON’T LET HIM BE AN IDIOT!”

She wasn’t sure if Sarah did hear any of that or when exactly her uncle had hung up, but she was cackling to herself when Jane popped her head around the corner.

“Everything okay?”

“What?” she glanced up startled. “Yeah. My uncle’s totally fine.”

“Then what was all the screaming about?”

“Oh, just that whether he realizes it yet or not, he’s in love with a woman who sounds perfect for him. I had to make sure he knew how I felt about the matter. Since he can be pretty thick-headed, literally and figuratively, I thought I’d try to make my point clearer to other interested parties.”

“Uh huh. Okay. Well. I’m glad he’s all right. But can you come help me with this data? I think I found something over Europe.”

“Sure thing, boss lady.”

Lucky for Darcy, her message had gotten across. And a few weeks later she got a text from her uncle. It was a picture of him and a brunette, taken from behind so as to not give facial evidence, of course. But the woman was holding flowers in one hand and Frank was in a suit for once, so she could read between the lines. Especially with the description of “there’s nothing like Milan in the spring.”

In response, Darcy sent a picture of a bottle of bourbon and a warning that he could only get his wedding gift in person.

Don’t worry, from here on out, these will be posted as their own thing so as not to be so long. Anything else will be under the title of Related: Extremely Dangerous 

But for now, have some more.

Keep reading







“i can’t get over ditching jane and darcy and sif and basically all the great mcu ladies”

no offense but tell me five things about darcy that aren’t ripped from someone’s self-insert fic

Exsqueze me? But are you talking trash about Darcy Lewis, Queen of Tasers?

It’s one thing to not want her in Ragnarok but she is one of the most complex female characters in a long time.

1) Darcy Lewis is the only character in any franchise that has any actual common sense.

At the beginning of Thor, Jane and Erik want to drive into a tornado but Darcy has enough sense to stand up to her friends and say no.

She only drives into the storm because Jane grabs the wheel, forcing her to turn.

Do you know how rare it is for any character to have even a shred of common sense? So few that the concept should be renamed rare sense.

I know I don’t have to scream at the screen for the character not to do the stupid thing because if Darcy Lewis is there, she has enough sense to tell people not to do the stupid thing.

How many other MCU characters can you say that about? If your answer is anyone other than Phil Coulson, you’re the one self inserting fan fiction.

2) Darcy Lewis is the only female character who UN-appologetically defends herself.

Thor, a man who is much larger and physically stronger, who could easily overpower two young women and a senior citizen, who seems drunk/on drugs, starts to act belligerent and hostile.

So she tasers him.

The scared woman trope has been used for eons: lone woman hears someone breaking in so she grabs a baseball bat/knife/feather duster to defend herself. The audience is scared for her safety because she’s a poor, helpless maiden and he’s a big, bad predator.

But we’re not scared for Darcy. Why? Because Darcy Lewis doesn’t second guess her instincts. She has the confidence to keep herself and her friends safe!

Later, at the hospital when Jane tries to deflect her own blame by pointing out that Darcy tasered him, what does she say?

Darcy Lewis is PROUD of her actions, she owns her decision to keep her friends safe from Schrodinger’s Rapist.

Our sexist society says that women should be nice, even to their own detriment but Darcy Lewis is an example of putting yourself and your own safety before men’s ego & comfort.

I hope that more women in the real world decide to take a page out of Darcy Lewis’ playbook.

3) Darcy Lewis speaks her mind.

You know you were thinking it.
For once the everyman trope is played by a woman and she does a fabulous job of being the audience surrogate but let’s put that asside.

Darcy Lewis is honest and doesn’t care about society’s expectation that women should stroke an ego as if her life depended on it.

4) Darcy Lewis IS the backup plan.

Even though she’s a poli-sci major, Darcy decides to go for an internship in the “hard” sciences with Jane. Armed with nothing more than her common sense, bravery and honesty, Darcy decides to follow Jane to London.

At one point in Dark World, both Jane and Erik fall off the map and SHEILD doesn’t returning her calls.
Darcy makes the most logical call in the history of the MCU!

Sidebar here: how many times did you ask why the Avengers never showed up in Iron Man 3? I bet it was more than zero.

Darcy is left to deal with the Convergence, an actual-sci problem, by her poli-sci self.

She doesn’t fall apart, she doesn’t let her male intern take over the decision making, she just goes about saving the world the best way she knows how.

Darcy finds Erik and hatches a plan to get him out of the hospital and when the battle starts she doesn’t run away to hide, she does her part.

5) Darcy Lewis is funny.

Men are funny and women laugh at their jokes. That is the pre-ordainded hierarchy of the world.

Only Darcy Lewis is having none of your chicanery. She is witty, sarcastic, dry, charming and knows she’s awesome. She doesn’t need your approval or support because at the end of the day she knows how to take care of business.

And she still gets her man.

A sixth thing: She is Jewish.

(Since Kat Dennings is, and visibly so)

Darcy Lewis is the most realistic person in the MCU. She fell into something larger than her, made connections and kept them despite it not being her thing. She found something she’s good at and people who need her and stayed to help. She went through hell and reacted as civilians were likely to, she panicked and helped however she could. If you don’t like her don’t like her, but don’t say she’s useless. She’s (and Jane) are two of the most realistic women in the MCU, which is likely why so many people have so many issues with them.

This. All of this.

All of this is true and glorious and is also the reason WHY she’s a popular character for people to write self-insert type fiction around. She’s easy to identify with, she’s hilarious and strong in a way that people want to be more like her, but she is still that “everyman” character. (In THEORY, people should be able to write her without being accused of making a Mary Sue, since she’s not a superpowered, central, or in any way perfect character, but the thing is you’re going to cop shit for daring to write any woman ever like you think she’s interesting, so just fuck the haters and do it anyway.) She’s easy to like, which is why when people hate her it says an awful lot more about them than it does about her as a character.

The Minion Verse – Chapter 1 – Merideath – Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Despicable Me (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 7/?
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Despicable Me (Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, Darcy Lewis, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov, Gru, The Minions, Tony Stark
Additional Tags: Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Humor

Chaos is small, yellow, and wears goggles.

The one where the Minions watch too many 80s romantic comedies and Steve Rogers gets a date.

One of the most adorable things I’ve ever read on AO3, I swear

The Minion Verse – Chapter 1 – Merideath – Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Despicable Me (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]

Have you ever thought that maybe Darcy just isn’t a very positive character for women? Even if she isn’t a mary sue, she doesn’t do much of anything. At least Jane is smart.





No.  No, I have not.  Because if I had, I’d be, Hey brain, why are you being so fucking stupid today?  Remind me to stab you with a q-tip later, okay?

To recap, let’s discuss what Darcy does:

  • Takes an unpaid internship with a TWO BRILLIANT ASTROPHYSICISTS who totally seem like the type to have someone hang around when they are “stupid”.
  • Recognizes Thor is a danger at first and not only protects herself, but protects all of her friends by tazing the fuck out of him while Erik and Jane are like WHUT IS THIS?!  DANGER?!
  • Helps Jane research shit that most people wouldn’t understand
  • Doesn’t turn heel and run when the Destroyer is tearing the shit out of Puente Antiguo, and instead stays and not only tries to help her friends, but also rescues trapped animals (a la the deleted scene).
  • Goes to Norway with Jane and is a computer badass.  (See comics.)
  • Stays with Jane in London to help her with her research.  Smart enough that Jane trusts her to watch over the equipment.
  • Recruits an intern for herself.
  • Calls for help when Jane gets herself into a pickle, even though she knows Jane will be pissy… because IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
  • Is sassy and completely unflustered with Thor.
  • image
  • Goes and bails Erik out of jail and is kind and gentle with him even though he’s bananaballs.
  • Helps Jane figure out what the fuck is going on with the dark elves and all this inter-dimensional bullshit.
  • Put aside her own fucking safety to help Jane defeat the dark elves and save the UNIVERSE.
  • image FUCK. YEAH.

In conclusion, I have no fucking idea what movies you were watching.  In the little time that Darcy spent on screen, she was functionally smarter than many of her “smart” colleagues, she was LOYAL AND KIND, and funny as hell.  You’re not required to love her, but please cease with the bullshit about how she’s not a positive character.  


THANK YOU, sevensneakyfoxes!!!!!

Okay, but let’s remember that in Thor, Darcy is a Political Science major completely out of her field with this internship, but adapts and thrives anyways. That her background in sociology and politics leads her to support Jane’s earliest theories of Thor being an alien-god from another realm with valid historical/anthropological theories (also that Darcy’s the one who twigged to Thor appearing OUT OF THE WORMHOLE/EINSTEIN-ROSEN BRIDGE/BIFROST IN THE FIRST PLACE.)

Let’s remember that she successfully corralled two Absentminded Genius types who (in Jane’s case) might forget to eat or shower because science! if not for Darcy’s bugging her. (Seriously, Darcy is a successful Genius Cat Herder.)

And you know, even on top of and aside from all of that, I take HUGE issue with Anon’s message that Darcy isn’t a positive character for women, because she’s not a genius or an ultimate badass.

I feel like this is some Strong Female Character toxicity in action. Where the only valid women are the ones who can “keep up with the boys” by being twice as amazing, and the only kind of strong or value a woman can be or have is if she’s somehow exceptional.

Darcy is a fantastic positive character for women, because she’s average or damn close to. She can’t murder a man with her thighs or bring down NASA with a keystroke, she can’t solve the mysteries of the universe before breakfast or pilot an Iron Man suit. She’s not a CEO or a model or a doctor.

She’s a relatable, clever, brave young woman and all too like the average woman watching her onscreen, and she’s having adventures and in control of her destiny (and her romantic/sexual life) and choosing to stand in the face of universe-destroying power and fear with nothing but a taser, her snark, awesome knitwear, and somebody else’s half-assed plan.

Tell me again how Darcy Lewis isn’t a positive character for women to relate to.

Tell me again.

Basically, Darcy is a human character that each of us could be in this situation – and that doesn’t sit well with most people.

Because in anyone’s dream reality we’re walking step in step with the main cast, with powers of our own and witty oneliners to spare, and so on. We’re helping the heroes in a pinch with brilliance and resourcefulness and get recognised for it – and that’s not bad, a power-fantasy is never bad.

That’s why the fact that Darcy – a normal plain human like us – while she does a great job of being reliable and cool doesn’t immediately get pursued by SHIELD to join Avengers is uncomfortable to some. That she doesn’t end up in the Stark’s mansion rubbing elbows with agents and herding superheroes like chickens. She is not a power-fantasy, she is a hard-working person who isn’t lauded and admired for the pounds she stacks – she IS a our mirror in that world and that turns some people off.

I’ve met with people asking what is she even doing there, she isn’t super and amazing, so why even include her? Well, as far as I’m concerned Thor’s part of the MCU is the only part of it where we can see normal people – not agents, assassins, millionaires and soldiers. Jane and her little flock are as normal as they come – smart, but undervalued and underpaid (until the big shit hits the fan in Avengers), and STILL somewhat on the outskirts of SHIELD’s attention and powerplay. And I think it’s great that they were the ones that Thor met on Earth first – a bunch of normal Joes he could actually learn from. The fact that he’s friends with and respects that plain-Jane intern from middle of nowhere tells something important about both their characters. 



friendly reminder that there’s a cut scene in Thor that while the Destroyer is blowing shit up, Darcy runs into the pet store to save all the animals and give them to people leaving the town

as things are being set on fire around her, she talks to the dog, telling him I  won’t let the big scary monster step on you,  and names it Baker