Q: How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is wonderful. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb. Present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Q: Why can’t UUs sing very well in choirs?
A: Because they’re always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next verse.
“I know my humor is outrageous when it makes the Unitarians so mad they burn a question mark on my front lawn.” — Lenny Bruce
The children in a UU church school class were drawing pictures. The teacher asked one, “What are you drawing a picture of?” “I’m drawing a picture of God,” was the reply. “But nobody knows what God looks like,” objected the teacher. “They will,” said the UU child, “when I get my picture done.”
A Unitarian Universalist prayed: “Dear God, if there is a God, please save my soul, if I have a soul.”
A Unitarian Universalist died, and to his surprise discovered that there was indeed an afterlife. The angel in charge of these things told him, “Because you were an unbeliever and a doubter and a skeptic, you will be sent to Hell for all eternity — which, in your case, consists of a place where no one will disagree with you ever again!”
A fellow went to a UU service for the first time, and is later asked what he thought of it. “Darndest church I ever went to,” he replies, “the only time I heard the name of Jesus Christ was when the janitor fell down the stairs.”
Q: Why did the UU cross the road?
A: To support the chicken in its search for its own path.
Thomas Starr King is credited with describing the difference between Universalists and Unitarians as follows: Universalists believe that God is too good to damn men; Unitarians believe that man is too good to be damned.
A Unitarian Universalist is someone who faces all questions with an open mouth.
A UU bumper sticker: “Honk If You’re Not Sure.”
A group of children at a Unitarian Universalist church school were trying to determine the sex of a rabbit. “There’s only one way to decide,” said one child, “let’s take a vote on it.”
Visitors on a tour of Heaven noticed a group of Unitarian Universalists, who were arguing about whether or not they were really there.
Some Unitarian Universalists think that life after death is one big annual congregational meeting, but they are not sure whether the meeting is in Heaven or Hell.
A traveler couldn’t find the local Unitarian Universalist church. After looking in the centre of town, in the suburbs, and out in the surrounding countryside. the traveler asked a farmer “Am I too far out for the UU church?” The farmer’s reply: “Nobody is too far out for that church.”
Harold Scott once declared that when a Unitarian Universalist is about to vote with the majority, the UU reviews the opinion.
(From an episode of The Simpsons, set at the church ice cream social)
Lisa: “What flavours do you have?”
Rev. Lovejoy: “Well, chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and our new Unitarian flavour ice cream.”
Lisa: “I’ll have that” (Rev hands her an empty bowl)
Lisa: “But there’s nothing in there.”